There are victories that feel comfortable, victories that feel hard-earned, and victories that leave you wondering whether somebody ought to write a letter of apology.
Yardley Titans' 8–2 win over Greenleys Vanguards managed to offer a bit of all three.
Craig Brown was magnificent, Adrian Piotrowski found three ways to win without ever looking entirely delighted about it, and Nick Howard endured the kind of evening that makes a self-appointed chief sports correspondent seriously consider outsourcing the match report.
But the night's most memorable moment belonged to a calm, fearless opponent, an incredibly tight deciding game and one of the filthiest net cords in recent Yardley memory.
Nayan Pattni: entirely unimpressed by reputations
Nayan Pattni arrived with the quiet assurance of somebody who has never felt the need to announce how dangerous he is.
He is improving rapidly, attacks with conviction and, perhaps most impressively, remains remarkably calm while doing it. MKTTL's published late-October figures already credited him with ten singles wins from twelve in the Premier Division. This was not a visitor hoping to pick up a few lucky points.
His first assignment was Nick 'El Capitan' Howard, a man whose own confidence typically requires a larger changing room than the rest of the squad combined.
Nayan took the opener 11–8 and then edged a brutal second game 17–15. Nick responded with an 11–4 third, offering a brief reminder of how the evening was meant to unfold.
Nayan declined the invitation. He took the fourth 11–9 to claim a deserved 3–1 victory.
So much for the headband of destiny. It remains a handsome piece of equipment, although evidently not an approved substitute for actually winning the points.
The Polish Pistol and the incident at 13–11
If beating the captain was impressive, what Nayan nearly achieved against Adrian 'The Polish Pistol' Piotrowski was something else entirely.
The two traded blows in a match worthy of a headline of its own. Adrian edged the opening game 12–10. Nayan levelled at 11–8. Adrian took the third 11–3, seemingly restoring normal service, only for Nayan to fight back and steal the fourth 12–10.
A fifth game. The Titans' talisman under real pressure. Nayan refusing to blink.
And with the score desperately tight and Adrian holding match point, the ball clipped the net and dropped over, completely out of Nayan's reach.
Final game: 13–11. Match: 3–2 to Adrian.
It was the sort of net cord that makes the winner look apologetically towards the ceiling and the loser briefly reconsider the fundamental justice of the universe.
Adrian is a terrific player, and he won three singles on the night. But even the Polish Pistol would struggle to convince a jury that his final shot was exactly how he'd drawn it up.
Nayan deserved enormous credit. He had beaten Nick, taken Adrian the distance, and come away having given Yardley's strongest players a genuinely uncomfortable evening.
The Postman delivers. Weather conditions satisfactory.
Craig 'The Postman' Brown was back to his best.
The previous week, the Greenleys Monarchs had interrupted the delivery schedule, with an unfortunate breeze from a nearby door reportedly doing little to improve Craig's mood.
This week, no meteorological explanation was necessary. The hands were back, the backhand was purring, and the mail was arriving on time.
Craig dropped the opening game against Nayan 5–11, then took the next three 11–7, 11–9 and 11–4. Against Yev, he needed four games again, finishing 11–7 in the fourth.
His toughest battle came against Elroy Edwards. A 4–11 opening game was followed by an impressive recovery, but Elroy forced a decider. Craig responded with a crushing 11–3 fifth game.
Three singles. Three wins. A proper hat-trick.
The Clubhouse Postal Service is pleased to announce that normal deliveries have resumed. Claims for weather-related compensation remain under review.
The coach, the boxer and the captain's second headache
Elroy Edwards is considerably more than a dangerous Premier Division player.
He founded Luton Table Tennis Club, has coached players across the game, and has devoted a remarkable amount of energy to bringing people into the sport. His own club biography also describes a previous career as a professional boxer.
That goes some way towards explaining the combination of aggressive forehand, sporting intelligence and the occasional metaphorical uppercut across the table.
Elroy had already made Craig work hard for his victory. Against Nick, he went one better.
Howard lost the opener 8–11 but recovered to take the next two 11–9 and 11–4. For a moment, the captain appeared to have put the earlier Nayan incident behind him.
Then Elroy took the fourth 11–5 and the deciding fifth 11–8.
A 3–2 victory for the coach, and suddenly the Titans captain was looking at a singles record of one win and two defeats.
For a man normally responsible for writing his own sporting mythology, this was a distinctly inconvenient development.
The headband declined to comment.
Yev belongs at this level
Yev, who was stepping up from Division One, also showed why the Premier Division should hold no fears for him.
The left-hander possesses a terrific forehand and went after all three Titans with conviction. The official scoreline credits him with no rubbers, but it doesn't tell the full story.
He took a game from Craig and another from Adrian, pushing the latter all the way to 12–10 in the fourth.
Against Nick, he again won a game, with the two tightest Titans victories coming 15–13 and 12–10 in the last two games.
Three defeats, yes. But also three performances that suggested this was anything but an out-of-place visitor from the division below.
Sometimes the scorecard records the result without quite doing justice to the player.
A brief moment of competence for El Capitan
It should be recorded, in the interests of fairness and before the captain appoints an independent commission, that Nick did win his remaining singles against Yev in four games.
He also paired with Adrian to defeat Elroy and Yev 11–5, 11–6 and 11–7 in the doubles.
A comfortable doubles win and a useful singles point. Both important contributions.
Not quite the heroic individual evening to which the headband has become accustomed, but enough to help secure the team result.
Elsewhere, Adrian beat Yev in four and Elroy in three, completing another unbeaten singles night, albeit with a few more grey hairs in the scorekeeping department than usual.
The Clubhouse verdict
Yardley Titans 8. Greenleys Vanguards 2.
A strong win for the Titans, and an evening in which both sides had plenty worth taking away.
Craig Brown was outstanding, restoring the Postman's flawless delivery record with three hard-earned wins. Adrian made it three out of three, even if his victory over Nayan required assistance from the sort of net cord that ought to be investigated by an independent tribunal.
Nick contributed a singles win and the doubles, and can at least take comfort from the fact that somebody has finally reminded him what losing feels like.
For the Vanguards, Nayan produced the night's standout challenge, Elroy added a fine victory while representing the coaching community with distinction, and Yev showed himself more than capable of competing at Premier level.
The final score said 8–2. The table told a much more interesting story.
And somewhere in Yardley Gobion, one particular net cord remains the subject of a formal complaint from absolutely nobody — except, perhaps, fate itself.