Of all the teams Yardley Titans might hope to find on the fixture list, Greenleys Monarchs have rarely been top of the Christmas-card selection.
Historically one of their toughest opponents, the Monarchs arrived armed with a world champion, an experienced captain and a left-hander whose idea of fun involves making the ball land somewhere you aren't.
What followed at Broughton Community Sports Pavilion was an excellent 7–3 away victory for the Titans, featuring an outstanding evening from Nick Howard, a doubles encounter that refused to finish quietly, and a possible incident involving the building's ventilation.
Not a bad night's work. Although the Postman may disagree with the final assessment.
A world champion in the building. With a hardbat.
First, some proper respect for David Tiplady.
In January 2024, Tiplady won the senior (over-55) hardbat world title in Mexico City. Not a local handicap. Not the village hall Christmas competition. An actual world championship.
And he brings the hardbat to league matches too: old-school equipment, a distinctive style and the delightful ability to make conventional table tennis feel like an entirely different sport.
Ricky Taiwo started brightly against the champion, taking the opener 11–9. Tiplady responded by taking the next three, with the fourth going right to 13–11. One for the Monarchs.
Craig Brown also took the first game against Tiplady, 11–7, before the world champion turned matters around to win 3–1.
Two Titans defeated, two excellent victories for a player who had already won all six of his recorded league singles this season before the match.
Unfortunately for Tiplady, the third Titan had apparently decided that Wednesday was his night.
El Capitan: crown secured, press release pending
Nick Howard was, in the words of our most reliable source on the subject, absolutely on fire.
That source is Nick Howard.
In fairness, the scorecard is quite persuasive.
Against Martin Hall, Howard took three games by the wonderfully symmetrical scores of 11–9, 11–9 and 11–9. Three narrow margins, three decisive outcomes, and precisely zero requirement for a decider.
Dave Beddall's left-handed placement, slow spin and wicked angles made for a different examination. Dave even pinched the third game 14–12, but Howard closed it out in four.
Then came the headline encounter: the world champion.
Tiplady took the second game 11–5, reminding everyone that prestigious silverware is not awarded for decorative purposes. Howard responded by winning the next two 11–6 and 11–8 to claim a fine 3–1 victory.
Three singles wins against a formidable Monarchs trio. Not a fifth game in sight.
And the headband? Still magnificent, apparently. At this stage it may need its own player profile and a small percentage of the appearance fee.
The Postman requests a weather forecast
Only five days earlier, Craig 'The Postman' Brown had produced two astonishing comebacks from 0–2 down against Greenleys Glory. The delivery service appeared unstoppable.
This week, however, there were reports of adverse atmospheric conditions.
Craig opened with an excellent four-game victory over Dave Beddall, the Monarchs' left-handed specialist in placement and improbable angles.
But Tiplady and Hall both proved too strong, each winning 3–1. Hall's match included a 14–12 second game and a spirited third-game response from Craig, but the captain closed the door on a comeback.
Speaking of doors, Craig felt a breeze from one of them was rather less helpful than it might have been.
The Clubhouse Meteorological Department has been notified. Investigators are currently attempting to establish whether a draught constitutes an official playing condition or merely an unacceptable disruption to Royal Mail.
One win and two defeats was below Craig's usual high standards, but nobody at the Titans doubts his ability to reverse those results next time. The hands haven't disappeared. The weather will, hopefully, improve.
The curious silence of Martin Hall
Monarchs captain Martin Hall is traditionally accompanied by a soundtrack of enormous 'CHO!' and 'BOOM!' celebrations.
Yet tonight, the decibel readings were surprisingly modest.
Has Martin mellowed with age? Was he conserving energy? Had the pavilion accidentally introduced a noise-reduction policy?
The Clubhouse cannot confirm any of these theories.
What we can confirm is that the quieter version remains a dangerous player. Martin beat Craig in four games and pushed Nick through three tight 11–9 finishes.
Ricky, meanwhile, absorbed the challenge of a tough opponent. The Titans' smiling grinder won their encounter 3–1, adding a straight-game win against Beddall to finish the night with two singles victories.
A world champion was the only man to stop him. There are worse things to put on a match report.
Doubles: a very complicated way to score one point
In the fourth rubber of the evening, Nick and Ricky faced Tiplady and Hall in the doubles.
This was not an exhibition pairing assembled to make up the numbers. It was a world champion and an experienced Premier Division captain against the Titans' headline enthusiast and resident endurance machine.
The visitors began superbly, winning 11–7 and 11–8.
Job done?
Of course not.
The Monarchs took the next two games 11–8 and 13–11. Suddenly the supposedly comfortable doubles had become a best-of-one, and the home pair had all the momentum.
Nick and Ricky steadied things at the right moment, taking the decider 11–8 to secure the final point of the night.
A proper doubles victory, against a proper doubles pairing.
The Waldner-and-Persson appreciation society over at Bugbrooke will presumably demand a written explanation for why Nick is now fraternising with another partner.
The Clubhouse verdict
Greenleys Monarchs 3. Yardley Titans 7.
For a team that has historically caused the Titans serious problems, the Monarchs gave another compelling account of themselves. Tiplady proved why a world championship belongs on his sporting CV, Hall contributed a valuable singles win, and Beddall's awkward left-handed game remained a thoroughly respectable challenge.
Nick was exceptional, taking all three singles and helping secure the hard-fought doubles. Ricky delivered two valuable singles wins and shared the doubles honours. Craig had a more frustrating evening than last week's double comeback spectacular, but still contributed a useful point.
Across the six Titans fixtures covered by the Chronicles, that's six victories, 54 rubbers won and just six lost.
A very fine night against familiar royalty.
As for the mysterious breeze, the club has promised absolutely nothing by way of an official investigation.
The Postman will simply have to deliver in all weather conditions.