For weeks, the Northampton Premier Division had been subjected to an increasingly tedious spectacle.
Bugbrooke Badgers turning up. Bugbrooke Badgers winning 10–0. Bugbrooke Badgers going home.
Frankly, it was becoming rather predictable.
Fortunately, DCA Lions hadn’t received the memo.
On Monday evening, the reigning champions travelled to Headlands Primary School, where the hosts were determined to remind them that the Premier Division is supposed to involve some actual competition.
And for the first time in the matches featured in this season’s Chronicles, the Badgers’ immaculate clean sheet was torn to shreds.
Well, slightly.
They still won 8–2. But progress is progress.
Shirish Rai: the man who refused to cooperate
The Lions’ Shirish Rai is not a man to be taken lightly.
Armed with excellent movement, dangerous serves and the ability to attack from both wings, Shirish provided the Badgers with some of their sternest opposition of the season.
Nick Howard discovered this immediately.
The two exchanged games in a thoroughly entertaining encounter, with Shirish claiming the second 11–5 and fourth 11–7. Suddenly, El Capitan found himself in a deciding fifth game.
A most unwelcome development.
Howard eventually prevailed 11–4, demonstrating the sort of composure he will undoubtedly spend the remainder of the week reminding everyone about.
But Shirish wasn’t finished causing trouble.
Against Dom Barker, he raced into a two-game lead, only for the Badgers’ resident Swedish impersonator to summon an impressive comeback. Dom battled back to 2–2, before Shirish secured the decider 11–8.
DCA had their first point.
Somewhere in Bugbrooke, the Clean Sheet Protection Committee quietly shredded its season-long projections.
Craig Brown: hands like a magician
If the Lions were hoping for further opportunities, Craig Brown had other ideas.
Possessing some of the finest hands in the league, a superb backhand and the sort of touch that makes difficult shots look offensively straightforward, Craig delivered a magnificent singles hat-trick.
His encounter with Oliver Young was particularly impressive.
Oliver, returning to the sport after a lengthy absence, demonstrated excellent control and accomplished attacking play from both wings. He pushed Craig all the way, recovering to take the fourth game 12–10 and force a decider.
Unfortunately for Oliver, Craig’s hands remained fully operational.
An 11–8 fifth game secured the victory.
Craig also saw off Shirish in four games and overcame the considerable awkwardness of Ian Grainger’s pimpled rubber to complete a perfect evening.
Three singles. Three victories.
No excuses. No drama. Well, considerably less drama than certain other members of the team.
Ian Grainger: pimples, problems and prolonged suffering
Ian Grainger presents a particularly unpleasant challenge.
While some pimpled-rubber players are content to disrupt rallies and wait for opponents to make mistakes, Ian is perfectly happy attacking from both forehand and backhand. His effective use of the pimples makes him difficult to read and even more difficult to settle against.
Nick and Craig both recovered from losing their opening games to beat him in four.
Dom, meanwhile, decided that three games would be sufficient.
What followed was perhaps the evening’s strangest straight-games victory.
12–10. 17–15. 12–10.
Three games. Six points between them.
An extraordinary contest in which Ian fought for everything and Dom somehow emerged victorious without ever appearing particularly comfortable.
At 17–15 in the second game, the possibility of both men qualifying for their pensions before the final point was becoming increasingly realistic.
But Dom held firm.
A magnificent demonstration of resilience, fighting spirit and the ability to make a 3–0 victory feel like a five-set epic.
Oliver Young: the comeback nobody wanted
Oliver Young deserves considerable credit for his performance.
Having returned to competitive table tennis after a long break, he looked anything but rusty. With accomplished attacking strokes on both wings and excellent control, Oliver pushed Craig to five games, tested Nick in three competitive games and claimed a well-earned victory over Dom.
That final result brought the Lions their second point of the evening.
Naturally, Dom will argue that his contribution was strategically designed to keep the league competitive.
The Clubhouse can neither confirm nor deny this explanation.
Nick, meanwhile, completed his own singles hat-trick, adding straight-game success over Oliver and a four-game win against Ian to his earlier escape against Shirish.
For a man who enjoys telling people how difficult his matches are, three victories will have to suffice.
Waldner and Persson: the Swedish dynasty continues
And so to the doubles. A subject of increasing historical importance at Bugbrooke Badgers.
Once upon a time, the doubles partnership of Nick Howard and Dom Barker was something of an ongoing public safety concern.
Communication was questionable. Understanding was limited. Results were inconsistent.
Then, somewhere along the line, something remarkable happened. They clicked.
And according to the pair, they haven’t lost a league doubles match for a considerable time.
Dom has now taken to referring to himself as Jan-Ove Waldner, the legendary Swedish master. Nick, apparently, is Jörgen Persson.
For those unfamiliar with table tennis history, these were two of Sweden’s greatest-ever players.
For those familiar with Nick and Dom, the comparison may require a substantial suspension of disbelief.
Their tactical philosophy is beautifully simple.
Dom keeps the ball on the table. Nick puts it away.
Or at least that’s the theory.
Sometimes Nick misses. Occasionally Dom decides he’d quite like to put it away himself. And every now and then, both players appear to forget which one is supposed to be Waldner.
Nevertheless, the partnership continues to produce results.
Against Ian Grainger and Oliver Young, the self-appointed Swedish superstars secured another victory, winning 11–8, 11–7 and 12–10.
Three games. Another doubles point. The unbeaten league doubles run survives.
Waldner and Persson ride again.
Somewhere in Stockholm, two genuine world champions remain blissfully unaware that their reputations are being borrowed by a couple of blokes from Northamptonshire.
The Clubhouse verdict
DCA Lions 2. Bugbrooke Badgers 8.
Another convincing victory for the reigning champions, but one that required considerably more effort than the scoreline might suggest.
Shirish Rai was excellent, combining movement, dangerous serves and attacking quality to trouble everyone he faced. Oliver Young demonstrated that a lengthy absence from competitive table tennis doesn’t necessarily mean losing your touch. And Ian Grainger provided a masterclass in making life uncomfortable with pimpled rubber, even if the results didn’t quite go his way.
For the Badgers, Craig Brown was outstanding with three singles victories. Nick Howard matched him, although he will undoubtedly insist his victories were significantly more impressive.
And Dom Barker contributed a hard-fought singles win, another doubles success and two defeats that will presumably be omitted from his forthcoming autobiography.
The Badgers have now won all three matches featured in this season’s Chronicles, claiming 28 of the 30 available rubbers.
The unbeaten team record continues. The perfect clean-sheet run is over. And the Swedish doubles dynasty remains intact.
One final question remains.
If Dom is really Jan-Ove Waldner, why did he only win one singles?
The Clubhouse has requested an official statement.
We understand his representatives are preparing a lengthy response.